When being a mum is an anxiety trigger
Anxiety. It’s a powerful word. Taboo even. It’s a word that makes some of us feel ashamed. But it shouldn’t! A recent survey showed that almost 50 percent of Australian women suffer from anxiety or depression, so why there’s still a stigma attached is beyond me!
But regardless of the statistics, when anxiety hits you can feel alone and a little helpless. It’s hard to think straight. You get panicky and sweaty. Your heart starts to race and you get a heaviness or tight feeling in your chest.
I should know, it’s something I struggle with every day.
But why am I sharing all this with you? Well, my anxiety reached the next level when I became a parent, and I want to reassure other mums with anxiety that they’re not alone.
I have two little girls: three years old and 3.5 months old. They’re my world, my everything. When my first was born, it was the best feeling in the world. I had a beautiful baby who I adored and would do anything for. When she looked into my eyes and smiled, my heart melted.
But becoming a mum also brought out the anxiety that I told myself I didn’t have. I constantly worried that I wasn’t doing “it” right (whatever that means, there’s no formula to being a mum!). I found even being in a crowd or around a group of people made my heart race and I’d get that heaviness in my chest. I’d get panicky and light headed. Just the unknown of what might happen when I was out and about with my little baby gave me anxiety.
So why did the arrival of my girls trigger the worst anxiety of my life?
Because I was thrown into the deep end. This baby relied on me completely. I was all they knew. I was their security blanket and their food supply. And babies cry constantly, I was always tired and my brain felt like a sponge. You probably know how physically and emotionally exhausting it is with a new baby!
And, if I’m honest, I wasn’t living a healthy life.
I’ve been blessed with good genes and a body type I should be grateful for. But, I wasn’t putting good nutritious food into my body. I’ve come to realise that your body and mind need good nutrition to function at the highest level so you look good, feel good and most of all, your mind is in the best shape it can be.
That said, sometimes it’s your personality type or other issues that are behind your anxiety.
Maybe you’re a bit of a control freak like me. You’re a perfectionist. Or perhaps you’re a bit shy, an introvert, you’re easily flustered. Or you’re autistic, and/or have sensory processing issues, or PTSD. Everyone is different, it’s just important to identify what factors contribute to your anxiety and do self-care accordingly
So, what’s the big advice?
It’s very simple: be gentle with yourself. There’s going to be long days, ones that feel like they’ll never end. The house will be a mess, you’ll clean it up and five mins later it’s messy again…(yes I’m one of those mums who can’t stand toys everywhere!) You’ll constantly worry, afterall motherhood is hard.
BUT you need to give yourself a break!
Perfection is not important (or possible). Instead focus on small goals and celebrate achieving them.
Remind yourself that the house is SAFE, your kids are FED, and LOVED. This is all that counts, and if you manage to have safe fed kids at the end of the day, then you’ve done all you need to do. If you accomplish something extra, like tidying up, going to the shops, or a playdate or appointment, then that’s extra points to you! Once you’ve made things simpler for yourself the anxiety should begin to loosen its grip a little.
Some other simple things that can help you deal with anxiety:
1. Eating healthy
Fuelling your body with whole foods on a daily basis and an omega-3 blend which is essential for brain health.
2. Doing some form of exercise.
Getting your body moving has been shown to be more effective in some people than medication! (But obviously don’t go off your meds unless you’ve spoke with your doctor).
3. Taking a deep breath.
Counting from 1-10. For me, when I feel that ‘wash of anxiety’ start to creep up inside me I tell myself to stop and breathe.
4. Gratitude, meditation or prayer.
Being mindful, relaxing, and/or releasing and relying on a higher power (whatever works for you) has shown to have very positive effects of mental health.
I still have to remind myself to practice some self care every day. But I’m getting there, learning to be kind to myself.
And the biggest tip I have to give?
Have someone to talk to. Your mum. Your partner. Your friend, sister, or maternal health nurse. Even a stranger on the other end of the phone whose job it is to listen and help you through the hard days.
Counselling can be extremely helpful to give you tools to cope with or even overcome your anxiety; CBT and DBT therapy have shown to be particularly useful. Do a bit of a Google to find a therapist in your area or to sign up for an online DBT course.
Surround yourself with people and a community who are caring, understanding, positive, supportive, uplifting. Don’t be ashamed, but be proud of yourself and what you achieve (even if it’s just surviving) every day.
You’re not alone, remember that. Much love xx
If you need someone to chat to, head over to the Beyond Blue Support Service – www.beyondblue.org.au
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